Thoughts & Miscellany

The little black cup

/ Pete Denison / Leave a comment

IMG_2970My niece is currently smack bang in the middle of her final exams for the NSW Higher School Certificate (HSC). Given her academic prowess to date, I expect she will do quite well.

It is now 25 years since I completed mine, and graduating in the class of 1989 from my high school. Whilst a little nostalgia is not lost on me, I am always amused by the kinds of triggers which remind of past events or stages in my life. In this case, surprisingly, it was not my niece and her exams, rather, noticing a black coffee cup residing in the back of the cupboard.

The cup you see, was given to me by my sister, with the aim of helping fuel the study sessions for my own HSC. The cup itself, meaning no disrespect to the item, nor the gift giver, is simply a plain, black, nondescript cup manufactured by Arcoroc . It is fairly small, light, and well…just black. At 8oz or 250ml in capacity, it is – 1 cup.

Although the cupboard is full of varying cups, glasses and mugs of all shapes, sizes, designs and colours – none mean as much as the black cup in question. Why so?

As you have no doubt worked out yourself, this cup is now 25 years old, and save for a few scratches is pretty much as good as the day I received it. It has been with me through my own HSC, eight years of University yielding two Degrees, and a further 17 years of employment. The cup a constant companion throughout, having only been relegated to the cupboard about 18 months ago with the purchase of my AeroPress for coffee brewing at work. Unfortunately the filter cap of the AeroPress is a little too big to fit on top of the cup, necessitating the need for a replacement.

The funny thing is, only now having realised the vintage of this cup, does it now make me a little nervous about possibly breaking it. Prior to this, it had been thrown in and out of work bags, office re-location boxes and office drawers. I do recall it also being dropped quite a few times, however it remains in one piece.

The significance of this cup now?

In many ways a reminder that where I am now is the sum of everything up to this point. Most of which I owe to those who set me on this path. Those who supported, guided, and gave me either everything I needed or the means to acquire it myself. It is not a priceless family heirloom, holding far more value to me than that.

We proceed through life not merely for ourselves, but for, and because of the “us”. The family we began with, and the families we ourselves create. The gift of this cup came at a time when I was about to leave a small town home and move to a city. A time where my day-to-day life would change substantially. To say this was an “adjustment” is probably somewhat of an understatement.

During times like those, the constants and familiarities are reassuring, and provide a little reminder of the “why”, along with that little push of support to help with the “how”, and you keep moving forward.

In these times, that little black cup is a reminder of those times, and because of those times I can now sit back and smile. “We” did it.

Upon moving out of this house, neither of my children may wish to inherit the little black cup, but what it contains will travel with them far and wide wherever they go.

To my niece, best of luck in the rest of your exams.

A little context and perspective

/ Pete Denison / 2 Comments

I am so sick of organising stuff, it annoys me that I have to do this all the time.

Or so went my pitiful little whine one morning last week to my wife about a particular aspect of my job. A particular aspect that, all things considered, really isn’t overly difficult. But this morning, no, I wasn’t particularly happy about it, especially since there were many other “more important” tasks I needed to get done. The exact nature of my gripe – not important, however in the context of my life at that very moment? Just not fair.

The next 24 hours posed a fairly blunt question (as life often does) about whether I really had anything to complain about. And yes, of course – I didn’t.

Those 24 hours started with Episode 5 of the Analog(ue) Podcast on the fantastic new Relay FM Network. Titled The Only Way Out is Through, discussion centred around the extent to which our personal struggles are played out (or not) in the public forum that is the internet, and if so, how much.

The main two stories recounted?

Guest Stephen Hackett spoke of his son Josiah’s ongoing battle with brain cancer, and the family’s personal pain and struggle which continues to this day. Next was host Casey Liss discussing his and wife Erin’s long struggle to have a child. The usual “when are you two going to have kids” jibe from friends and family described as “ripping our hearts out” every time it was said.

Later that day, I listened to a medical practitioner discuss experiences from working in war zones, about seeing the best and the worst in people. How, in a certain culture, the value of a goat was higher than a farmer’s daughter. The result? The death of two young girls with the farmer’s plan to have more sons.

Finally, some 24 hours after desperately battling with my minor grievance, came Episode 37 of John Chidgey’s Pragmatic podcast, in which Macstories founder Federico Viticci discussed at length his battle with Hodgkin’s lymphoma, diagnosed at the age of 23.

Although never far from my mind, listening to these stories also provides a strong reminder of my own family’s experience with illness, both the devastating loss of those before their time, and those who have been more fortunate, through a combination of medical care, the grace of God, and a good dose of luck.

Over the past 24 hours, and a few decades before that, there have been things which have annoyed me. Things that seem unfair, or perhaps could have turned out a little better. Problems or challenges which needed solutions and decisions which had to be made.

At times, dealing with challenges day after day can make it seem as though life is hard. For some it is, devastatingly hard. For the seemingly unjust lot I had to deal with that morning? A little context and perspective goes a long way.

Recommended Reading: Raw Materials – Matt Gemmell

/ Pete Denison / Leave a comment

My favourite writer on the internet is Matt Gemmell, by far. How does a former software engineer who now writes full-time write so well? Significant talent and untold amounts of effort and hard work most likely play a large part.

61e6rBgR4sL._SL1000_Gemmell has recently published an eBook titled Raw Materials, comprising selected essays from his personal blog, updated with authors notes and includes an additional piece written specifically for this collection. After picking up (well…downloading) the book on the day of release, a rainy Saturday seemed perfect to proceed from cover to digital cover.

Many of these intensely personal essays recount memories of a childhood perhaps not unlike many others. Where the real power lies in this collection is not from the content alone, rather, the feelings which inevitably surface as you read. Some may make you squirm a little; perhaps say “ah…yes!”; some may change your entire mood – and to me, that is great writing.

Although the specific events, family situation and upbringing described in these stories could not have been further from my own, similar feelings, emotions and fears were (are) all there, somewhere, though manifest differently in adulthood.

Gemmell sure knows they are still there, as he writes in Paths:

And if you glance over your shoulder, well… you won’t see anything. But your own memories are there nonetheless.

Believe me, many times during Raw Materials, you will find yourself glancing over your shoulder. Not intentionally, but inadvertently, sometimes surprisingly so. With these glances come fear (Staying Afraid); sensory engagement through smells of “dryness and age” (Stories); and innocent optimism where your wish might just come true – just this once (Wishes). Then there is the physical or emotional pain we all feel and recall all too readily (Relative).

It’s. All. There. And this man knows exactly how to write about it. In an utterly compelling way. Every time.

It matters not that our childhoods were markedly different, a decade or so apart, on opposite sides of the world. We are not so different Matt and I, nor are we different to countless others who grow up with memories so indelibly burned into our consciousness (or subconsciousness as the case may be).

Those memories are always there, whether we allow ourselves to engage them or not.

I highly recommend this short but powerful collection of essays. They are written with such clarity and precision, you cannot help but join Gemmell on his “travels” back to those moments where these very memories were made. It is also inevitable your thoughts will turn to the end product of such memories. You. Today.

Years whip by when your back is turned, leaving you standing on familiar streets that are nevertheless unsettlingly different. We all have troubling experiences hidden inside, and they shape us more than we realise. The news brings us fresh fears every day. The future is uncertain, and it’s coming whether you like it or not.

Authors notes – Whispers

Raw Materials is available now from Amazon, though I’d suggest first visiting mattgemmell.com, adding it to your bookmarks or RSS feed, then clicking through to Amazon for your copy of the collection (AUD$3.72).

Matt Gemmell’s debut novel Changer will be published later this year, and if there were already a queue, I would be in it.

Same blog, new name – mine

/ Pete Denison / Leave a comment

Regular readers may have noticed a new name and URL for the site – petedenison.net, or if you have arrived via a link, are perhaps wondering why you are not on Dept 4. The content itself? All imported across and identical – simply a name and domain relaunch for the blog.

Why the change?

As of 13 July 2014, I will no longer be posting to dept4.net, albeit with a redirect to petedenison.net in place for all links and general traffic going to the original site. This redirect appears to be functioning well, with a kind link to Dept 4 from Ray at The Fountain Pen Quest seeing traffic at this new domain. As you can see, everything else is pretty much the same – at least for now. So why the change?

First and foremost, the site name now aligns with the @petedenison handle I use on both Twitter and Instagram. Those social media outlets and this blog are personal accounts, and I have no desire, nor would it be appropriate, to post any content associated with my professional life to them.

Dept 4 commenced prior to my presence on both Twitter and Instagram, and at the time I decided to use something other than my name as a kind of pseudonym of sorts, perhaps lacking a little confidence in how this all works. With varied topics, a specific coffee or pen blog name would not have accurately reflected the content, and over twelve months on I feel this remains the case.

So, when thinking about a page header redesign over the weekend, my wife and I both felt the more we looked at Dept 4, the more it seemed a little “off”, both in meaning and in what the blog represented. In the interests of incremental change, the header design remains the same, not so the name or URL.

Just me – petedenison.net

As I mentioned above, this is a personal blog, the views are my own, and cross a few different topics of interest. Writing posts is one of my favourite activities, and to date I still seem to have a few things to say, though finding the time to get them down can sometimes be a challenge.

For me, putting my name to the site is probably now a more accurate reflection of the nature of the blog, and what it will continue to be. I will always be me, and consider my personal blog to now have what will be a permanent home – whichever direction the topics and overall evolution take.

I thank you, my loyal readers, for taking an interest in what I have to say, and hope my efforts in redirecting links and traffic to this new domain continue to be successful. I would appreciate any comments below if you come across any issues.

Thanks for stopping by.

Those you belittle are always bigger than you

/ Pete Denison / Leave a comment

By accident, without thought, or exquisitely crafted. It matters not, and is just as disappointing whichever form it takes. When directed at me it is meaningless. When overheard in conversation towards my friends and those I care about, another matter.

I’m talking about the over developed sense of self-importance of some, who so easily project this over others without so much as a second thought – or so it seems anyway. Whilst the purpose of this blog is certainly far from ranting about aspects of the human condition I find equally saddening and maddening, occasionally you will come across a post on such a topic (there are many written and unpublished which in all likelihood will stay that way).

Of course I am not about to delve into specifics, suffice to say, people performing roles or in occupations judged as “inferior” by some, are more than likely working just as hard, if not harder than those that judge them – again whether the judgement occurs on purpose or without thought. In my experience, something repeatedly done by accident or without thinking, is generally a purposeful action. Or at the very least, indicative of a certain kind of person.

Success can itself be judged internally, by those inching closer to mastering their craft, even if mastery is always a little out of reach. There is something extremely satisfying in working towards a long-term goal. Taking each step with the seriousness and precision required. The sweat and focus which will provide that extra few percent of improvement. The kind of effort (and in some cases risk) that shames a dusty university degree hanging on a wall somewhere as a shrine of achievement, which perhaps peaked when the frame was hung. Yet, we are somehow meant to revere that item on the wall, as though it should somehow afford the holder some right of superiority.

Sorry, actions speak louder than words, and infinitely louder than words written on heavy paper stock, framed and hung on a wall. Congratulations on your achievement, and I mean that sincerely, however that gives you nothing more than the right to work in certain occupations, belong to certain associations, and perhaps add some letters on your business card. Beyond that, nothing. Your treatment of others, and ill-perceived superiority more quickly relegates you to inferiority than you might imagine, as there are certain things in this world that really matter (respect, integrity, empathy and understanding for starters – none of which you need a university degree to exhibit), whereas the bastions you hold on to are the things that really don’t.

So go ahead, belittle those you see as inferior, however as far as I and many others are concerned, they will always be bigger than you.