There are times you feel things butting up against your limits. Tasks, pressures, big and small projects, life events. Margin all but gone, yet somehow things seem to roll along — though I sometimes wonder if I’m just confusing that with the simple march of time, which of course never quits.

Tasks are completed, projects roll out, and seemingly with not too much choice about it, you just carry on with the rest. In times like these, you begin to think about what sets those limits. Are they arbitrary? Chosen by me? Imposed by others or circumstance? I suspect it is largely down to the choices we make in many respects — perhaps with a touch of playing the hand you are dealt thrown in. If I subscribe to the choices scenario (and I do), then I must also believe there are ways to manage things and regain some of that margin along with it.

I’ll say straight off the bat, that is a question to which I have no answer. This is most definitely not a post outlining how to win at task management, calendar time-blocking or life in general. Whatever productivity abacus you might use to count, plan, manage, track and organise will not be explained, assisted, or made more effective by any of what follows. Struggles are real, and mine are no different. Every so often you sit down and think about what is at the heart of these struggles, and eventually after much writing, mind mapping and handwringing, come up with not much at all. This was one of those times, though I cannot help but think that writing this out loud at least takes things one step closer to understanding a little more about what might be at play here.

Writing posts for this blog is done largely for myself, and by that I don’t mean as the reader but the writer. I’ve always considered it to be “writing out loud”, in that whilst it better be readable, make sense and be factually correct, it’s also a means of talking through something with yourself (a public journal of sorts). While I find this incredibly helpful, it is you the reader who must suffer through it all — so thank you for that. An added bonus is (hopefully) realising when you are saying something utterly ridiculous, though I admit that can be harder to determine than it sounds.

My point being that writing things out loud generally produces a somewhat more analytical and considered thought process, and often provides me with some pretty good answers. Unfortunately, this is perhaps not one of those times.

The title, by the way, could have really been anything. Confidence, procrastination, knowledge, will, resilience — any of those, and you’ll find them all on the mind map I tapped out before commencing the post. Settling on the above came about simply because at the time of writing, the main question I was wrestling with was whether I have the capacity, enough time, or even the motivation to carry on with some plans I’d made a few months ago.

The answer is probably yes, further moderated by eventually— though I have a bit of thinking to do between now and then, and that’s okay.

Margin

If, as Richard Swenson writes in his book Margin, we define it as follows:

Margin is the space between our load and our limits. It is the amount allowed beyond that which is needed. It is something held in reserve for contingencies or unanticipated situations.

…then in times like these you begin to question exactly what sets those limits, and whether there is anything pushing at these limits that has no business being there in the first place. It’s the chronic stress (bad) vs acute stress (dealt with by our “reserve”) health scenario all over again.

Perhaps said limits are arbitrary, somehow chosen by me, or perhaps imposed by circumstance. I cannot help but think what’s closer to reality is the choices I make dictate how close I get to those limits, rather than setting the boundary fence itself. Though I guess if we look at the definition above, it’s up to me to set an arbitrary boundary (load) inside the outer fence (limit).

Perspective

Planning? Tracking? Task management? The ability to sit and think about what to tackle next. What an enviable position to be in, and many don’t enjoy the same agency in leading their day-to-day lives. I somehow think being in such a privileged position lends itself to wasting some of that opportunity through taking for granted what you actually have to work with.

Poor me. Sitting here in angst, sweating over what to either put on — or complete off — my task management list. Here I should confirm this is not a thinly veiled swipe at all the productivity enthusiasts out there, but a genuine self-reflection on where I currently sit with this. It’s definitely me. All me.

Intention

If it goes on a list you’ll do it, right? Right? Sure I will, eyeing off the items added a couple of years ago to just “fix up a little” around the house yet remain to this day undone. At times I think the advice to rename your “reminders” to “inbox” should instead suggest renaming it to “Someday/Maybe”. That’s it. Everything goes in a “might do” list until (if ever) it’s actually done.

Why is that? Sure there are captured items that are so captured because that is the entirety of where my brain has gotten to at that particular time, yet there are just as many — if not more — that are captured with good intent, yet overrun by the “I don’t really want to do that” vibe. Sure, some things don’t need doing, yet the ones that truly gnaw at you are the must-do items with the “don’t want to” tag subconsciously applied.

Systems and processes certainly help, yet they cannot begin, grind through, and finish off the task for you. There are a few other factors at play here.

Bandwidth

Whilst we might also consider this one as capacity, the big ticket item here being thoughts, and maybe they are one and the same, though I’ve always considered capacity more in physical terms. Bandwidth, though? Well, when that maxes out it has generally filled with thoughts — many of them less than eloquently organised as stressful times or situations mount up.

It’s such an arbitrary construct though isn’t it. As I write this in my usual time slot approaching dawn, there really isn’t anything pulling at me—just thoughts, which I guess is precisely my point. Even in quiet times, we are each alone with our thoughts, particularly in the cold light of day as I write this post.

I must admit, there are not too many times when overwhelm hits me and there just seems to be too much going on. Good management? Hardly. I think a lot of the time it’s more good luck than the former. Perhaps having less going on socially frees up some time (yes, you guessed it — not really a people person…), though some might say that’s undoubtedly the opposite of what helps through times like these. Maybe, maybe not. It’s just how I’ve always “rolled” so to speak.

Sure, there are many ways to tackle things such as maxed out bandwidth. Learn to say “no” they say. Protect time for yourself they say. All noble endeavours (and successful strategies) indeed, however often easier said than done. I’d also question based on experience whether hitting the productivity app and system trail is ever really the answer.

If I just tweaked my “system” a little…

Time

Is there really time without time management? Or should that simply be time outgoings, given it’s something we constantly spend. Time is not really the enemy here, is it? Merely our use or prioritisation of where we are spending it.

I guess this is usually why you end up down the next great productivity system racket because surely that last book you read or the new update to that app will do the trick. Perhaps it’s back to weighing up digital vs analogue (yet again). No doubt, most of us would likely admit to falling into one (or both) of two traps. Either looking for more time (there isn’t any unfortunately — ha… wow how about that) or spending too much of it managing the “system” itself.

Yep, guilty Your Honour.

Add to that a certain amount of overwhelm and by association — resistance to do anything at all. Call it what you will: analysis by paralysis, too much to even know where to start… Any of those will perhaps be about right.

Is it simply about knowing yourself and understanding where you typically waste time? Procrastination to the front of the queue here if you please. Perhaps it’s pushing so hard for so long but maybe in the wrong direction? I’ve often said in many situations there is no right or wrong answer, simply the one you choose. Should I question that logic a little more? On most occasions, there probably is a “right-er” answer — perhaps it’s a sliding scale rather than a zero or one.

Motivation

Resilience. Will. Grit. Determination. Or in the dying words of Sean Connery’s Jim Malone in The Untouchables: “what are you prepared to do…” In some ways, therein lies the kicker. It’s doing — not planning to do. Could you go through this life without a “trusted system”, simply moving forward and tackling things as they come? Sure, though I’m guessing there might be a few things you’d miss along the way. Yet, conversely — is that the simpler life?

More broadly speaking though, I just wonder if the perfect “trusted system” really helps with a fundamental question such as “why is it all so hard”. Can’t make it any worse surely — unless we come back to more energy being required to manage the system.

Sure, I’ve read numerous books about habit formation, decision fatigue, and removing the need to rely on willpower alone. There is one major assumption here, the existence of a certain level of motivation to push forward regardless. I’m not sure if you can truly habit-form, decision-remove, and negate the need for willpower to reach a state akin to forever coasting downhill like a kid on a bike — and make meaningful and lasting progress. Perhaps I’m wrong, and the only thing I’m akin to is an old man shouting at the sky…

Wrapping things up

As I mentioned in an overly long introduction above, this was always a post asking countless questions without really providing any answers. So this conclusion will, of course, be acknowledging loose ends rather than tying them up — it’s just the way it is at the moment.

If you’ve made it this far along my stream of consciousness rant, I thank you. If any of it sounds familiar, I stand with you. There sure is a lot to slog through on a day-to-day basis. Find your force multipliers — you know, those things that fit under the heading ”here lies the good”. Those things you add that somehow subtract from all the noise. Get out of your own head for a while and enjoy something else.

Life is strangely both a very long and very short journey to be looking the wrong way most of the time.