As I sat and began writing this post, I had set in my mind it was post number 199 on this very blog, and of course my mind began to wander into the realm of “better come up with something big for number 200”. Indeed, there are plenty of things I could write about for a milestone post. Milestones themselves would be a good one, perhaps where I have come from with my writing, or maybe where to next. All valid ideas, which might be of interest to those of you who stop by and read every now and then.

Of course my next step was a quick trip into my WordPress admin page to check on that, and of course, what do you know? This, friends, turns out to be the big 200th. The milestone post, the introspective reflection on posts gone by. The line in the sand drawn and stood behind with one hand on my hip, the other shading my eyes from the sun, as I look into the future and extol what the future holds for these pages.

As you can probably guess by now, this post is neither of those, save perhaps for a little bit of reflection.

Perhaps with better planning I might have reached 200 with a bit more of a bang. As I think about it, in actual fact, the number of posts actually written, is closer to around 220 – the number of those actually published is now 200. Why the difference? To be honest, there are a few things at play here.

True, a few of those posts which we’ll call “the great unpublished” simply were not up to scratch. I had either written myself into a corner, was so far off track in what I was trying to say, or even forgot my original point. The majority however, were pieces containing personal thoughts or feelings that I was not comfortable in publishing to the big wide world. Some I plan to revisit and perhaps tweak a little to allow them to pass through the too-personal-to-publish filter, however some will never make that journey.

As an intensely private person (at times to my own detriment), some of these posts might be viewed by others as — how can I put it — quite low on the personal scale, however we each have our own frame of reference and level of comfort, which is what makes us unique.

After completing one of the great unpublished posts, I am sometimes a little annoyed at myself given the time I put into some of them, which is, on balance, no more or less than some of the other posts which do make it up on the site. No, it is more so the thoughts around the apparent waste of time writing a piece with the express purpose of posting, which then goes unpublished.

Of course I fully understand the futility at being annoyed about not posting something which I chose to write about, and subsequently, I chose not to publish. Further, I am of the opinion that if I never write posts of this nature, I will: (a) never get better at writing them; (b) never get better at writing, period; and (c) most likely fail to draft certain posts which I would happily (and proudly) publish.

Being annoyed about writing and not posting, is in itself annoying to me as well you see. The main reasons I write here are for enjoyment, relaxation, and the rewarding aspect of learning more about the various topics of my posts. I must admit however, there are times when a lot of effort is required to partake in this relaxation. The many times I am up before dawn to put together drafts before work sometimes does not feel like relaxation, although it is this very effort which generates the most reward.

Where do the great unpublished posts then end up? Many places if I poke around looking for them. There are some in Day One or Evernote, others are archived in Dropbox, and a few remain lurking in a folder within Ulysses, hopefully to see the light of day in future for editing and revision — and publishing. If not? Well, that won’t be the end of the world either.

To be honest, I’m not entirely sure whether I will really change as time passes. After this many posts I am perhaps set in my ways, however I’d like to think there is still some evolution to occur on these pages. Only time will tell I guess.

So to finish up, technically this is my 200th post, however you could argue I had reached this some time ago. Either way, the numbers are not why I sit and tap away day after day — and certainly if the page views were, I’d have given up long ago. Thankfully I have long since freed my mind from that burden.

What is then, might you ask?

As I mentioned earlier — I enjoy it, and it helps me learn. Two things which were apparent from post number one and remain as powerful as ever today. The unpublished posts? I enjoyed writing them and learned something about myself from creating them. The monumental 200th post? Now done and dusted, and as far as introspective reflection and bold predictions are concerned?

I am mostly proud of the posts I’ve written so far, and there will be more. To say anything further might be too, well… personal.